Thursday, June 7, 2007

How sad

What do you say when there are no words. Someone who has changed and not for the better. Someone who taught you to respect your elders, that blood is thicker than water, who you knew would always protect you. Now they are hurtfull to everyone and see no wrong in what they say or do. How do you say what needs to be said? How do you break a bond with someone you have tried your whole life to please..to hear them say they are proud? How sad to know that there is nothing you can say to make them see. Make them understand what they are about to loose. So much that they should hold dear. How angry I am..how hurt I am...how sad I am!!! Somehow I could look past all the mean things said to me though I can never forget, but now...it is too much to see the hurt he brings to people I love. I fear that he might someday say hurtfull things to my kids. That I can not allow. So we will meet to "work it out"! I know it will not work. I am ready for more hurtfull things to be said that day. I know I will say hurtfull things back. Things he will not want to hear. I wish it did not have to be this way. How does someone change so much? How does their "core" vanish without a trace? I will never understand how someone can be so hurtfull to people that love them so. He has made the rounds through everyone. No one makes him responsible for the hurt he causes. Now it must be done. I just wish it did not have to be me! Even still..I love him and I will miss him. After all he is my Dad.

Sorry to all who read this. I usually do not talk about "personal issues" on here. It is late. I can not sleep again. My mind was full and aching. I had to talk. Maybe now I can sleep. Tomorrow will be a good day. A day spent loving on my babies.

3 comments:

Kay said...

I'm sorry to hear you have a heavy heart. I hope all goes well.

Carolyn said...

I'm so sorry, Honey. I truly wish there was something I could do but I know he would not listen to me anymore. You just need to focus on the wonderful woman, wife and mother you ARE. His actions and the consequences are his loss...you are just doing what you have to do to protect yourself and your family.

Anonymous said...

Hi honey, please do not ever apologize for talking about "personal issues" on your blog. That's what they're for! When the knitting is over, and the pictures of your beautiful children have been posted, a blog is still a communication with people who cannot judge you (and will not, in the case of most knitters).

I hope your day is beautiful, and I'm back from my trip, so keep a weather eye on the horizon - a new package will be on its way soon! I'll let you know when its in the mail.

Much love,
SP